i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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