if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
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There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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