Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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