I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize