Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
