i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
