I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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