We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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