Only a mothe r could love this liver
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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