You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
