it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
