Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
