does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I party with great urgency now.
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