We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
