I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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