guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
