Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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