she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
