i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
