he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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