It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
worst night to have a conscience
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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