I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
