Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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