i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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