you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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