Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
