Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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