I am puke
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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