Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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