I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
