my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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