After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
