He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
