He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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