i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
