Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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