"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
