I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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