Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
