Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
