this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
