You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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