I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize