I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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