he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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