i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
