Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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