I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
