I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
