well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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