What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
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What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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