Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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