My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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