I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
