How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
