i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
