just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
