Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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