I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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