I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
